capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
