so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
