U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
