Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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