Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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