She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
