So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
