I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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