Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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