if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
