I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
