it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
