Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
