There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
