so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Randomize
