I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
