New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
