I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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