bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
