Already got asked if we're dating
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
