the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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