just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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