Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
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