I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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