So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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