I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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