Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just want nice things and good sex
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
