I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
