If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
