I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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