If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
3pm strippers are depressing
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I enjoy the company of your penis
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
