Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
