thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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