fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
