Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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