We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
ttyl tear gas
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
