Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
