I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
