i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
