Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
