Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
