She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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