I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
