He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
