We're facebook friends in real life
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
