My balls are so social today.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Be still, my beating vagina.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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