I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
