Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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