well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
