he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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