can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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