oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
