I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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