I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
