Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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