there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
